Alone

It’s quiet here

And dark

There are creatures

Lurking in the shadows

But I have no fear

For the most part

If I leave them be

They’ll do the same

Sometimes they’ll lash out

Drawing blood and tasting my pain

It hurts

But never lethal

I know how to defend myself

When that no longer rings true

They’ll have my soul

I know it

And so do they

But that’s a long way off

I can hold out for another day

Then one more and another

After that, well…

I am a shadow amongst a bright world

They’ll hardly notice when I’m no longer here

A sequel or antithesis to Friendship Reborn.

Haunted

Built of stone and greed

A temple filled with hope and need

Sorrow’s tears streaking down pale skin

Brought on by terrible sin

 

Fear like an arrow

Striking faster than the wings of a sparrow

Stillness, quivering waiting for the blow

A frozen moment, steeped in woe

 

Desolate this hollow place

Never has it know a moment’s grace

Fragile bones fall upon the stone

Scarlet drops dripping on the tome

 

Silence now, an echo of violence long gone

But forever present, forever remembered

In the quickened beating of the heart

And the momentary chill down the spine

 

                Sometimes I just write whatever comes to mind. This is one of those times. I analyze a lot, sometimes it seems that I never stop thinking, but every now and then I don’t. Every once in a while I like my words to be a mystery even to me. I wrote this, and there was a picture in my mind as I did so, but I don’t know why these words came to me or what the context of this story is. I don’t know what this poem means to me and I’m going to let it remain an enigma, at least for a while.

Homeless

I am evidently both morbid and inspired today. Instead of working on the vast piles of school work and household chores that desperately need to be done, I wrote this. The words just wouldn’t leave me be. Now I feel just as strong an urge to post it here. It’s fairly long and not a terribly kind poem. I’ve called it Homeless.

 

This is not how I pictured things would be

Not for you and not for me

Who knew it would be so hard to find a friend?

Someone who is just willing to bend

Who knew all the blood we spilled

And all the dreams we killed

Would haunt us now?

As we wait for the sound

The call that will bring us home again

For without a home how can we mend?

But there is no call, nothing to bring us back

And shattered mirrors only show us what we lack

So home remains a distant, uncertain dream

A thing of blurred edges and fraying seams

In mourning we sing

Never knowing what tomorrow will bring

 

They brought us here

To this place where the world sheds its tears

They left us here to

Too many and yet too few

There is too much blood

Too much pain and rage to stem the flood

This is our home or so we are told

But all we can see is rust and mold

A world of decay and despair

But so few see, so few care

Blinded by light and things of green

They have no understanding of how things could have been

There is something missing

Some vital thing we are risking

For the momentary pleasures such things give

Too afraid of losing what we have to live

 

This is not how I imagined things would be

I didn’t know they had lost the key

Who knew they had forgotten

Lost in sewage, dark and rotten

Stubbornly ignorant and willfully blind

Poor bloody fools have no idea what they’ll find

At the end of this path they have chosen

One and all will end up broken

They’ve forgotten what matters and what’s true

Until they remember there can be no home for me or you

 

I’m curious to see how you, all my wonderful followers, will perceive this poem. I, of course, had a specific story line in mind when I wrote it, but I think this is one of those that can be interpreted many ways. Time to get back to work, hopefully now I’ll be able to focus.

Toxic

The prompt for NaPoWriMo was to write what you would never say to someone, in poetic form of course:

 

You are thoughtlessly cruel

Blind to any suffering

Beyond your own

 

The world revolves around

Your thoughts and actions

It would never occur to you

To try on someone else’s point of view

 

You love, I know that

But your love is deeply broken

And you don’t care to be healed

 

Why can’t you do as you preach?

Put your words to actions?

Yet you expect to reap what you don’t sow

 

You presume upon a relationship

That doesn’t exist

The blood runs true

But there is little common ground between me and you

 

I love you

And I think you were once a good man

But life broke you and you’ve become toxic

 

This is for my father, may he one day know peace.

Mood Swings

Today’s prompt for NaPoWriMo is un-love:

 

You snap and bite and growl

You sing and dance and howl

I never know

Quite how you’re going to play

 

Is today a kindness

Or a threat

Will there be hugs and laughter

Or pain the morning after

 

How old will you be today?

A mature man, solemn and wise

An old man, snappish and bitter

Or a young boy, who needs a sitter

 

Which way will you sway?

Are you going to regret what you say?

Will you grovel and coddle tomorrow

For the pain you give today?

Mine

Your time is mine

Didn’t you know that?

I am the center of your world

Nothing else will suffice

 

You have nothing of your own

I will not allow it

No friends, no hobbies

No life beyond being an accessory of mine

 

You are not my partner

I provide for your needs

So your only purpose is to serve mine

To be at my beck and call

 

You don’t have anything to say

Not that’s worth hearing

The only words that matter are mine

Heaven help you if you don’t agree

 

You don’t matter

Your needs and wants don’t matter

I need you now

And you damn well better be here now

 

For my packmate Hope, who chose wrong and has too much honor and too much dependency to make it right again. I wish there was more I could do.

You Hurt Me

You hurt me again today, just as you did yesterday. It’s all right, I know you didn’t mean to. You’re hurt and sometimes you lash out, but it doesn’t mean anything. I love you. Please love me.

You hurt me deeper today; it feels like my soul is bleeding. It’s all right, I know that pain is a part of life and you’re just teaching me how to deal with it. Life isn’t fair. Fairness is an illusion for the weak. You taught me that and look how well I’ve learned. I love you. Do you love me?

You hurt me harshly today, the scars on my soul are beginning to blend together now, and I can hardly see them anymore. It’s all right; the pain is making me grow stronger. I’m beginning to break, I can the rifts within my mind, but I’ll never let it show. Not when you might see it, not when the world is watching. I’ll prove to you I can handle it and my endurance will demonstrate my worth. I love you. If I keep proving it maybe you’ll love back.

You hurt me cruelly today, and I feel like I’m dying a little each day. It’s not all right, there is no excuse. I won’t let your break me, not my core. You can’t touch me, because you’ve forced me to be stronger than you ever were. I can repair the damage you have wrought. I am who I am and that is exactly who I’m supposed to be. I won’t let you change me. I love you, but now I hate you too. And I know that you never loved me.

You can’t hurt me today, and you never will again.

A short flash fiction from the shadowy corners of the world. We all want that connection to other people, want to feel that sense of belonging and love. It’s often much harder than people realize to see a toxic relationship when you’re in one, but eventually it becomes too obvious to ignore. Don’t let it reach that point. Bless be.